My partner worked at well-known company some time ago, and, because times were rough, management let loose the Consultants. They had a plan, an epic plan.

Redo everything.

In java.

Java, they extolled, can do anything and everything.

Nevermind the fact that this was an open-source perl/postgres shop with no java-trained employees. Seeing fellow developers in pain, I reacted like any person would — I mocked up an O’Reilly manual with a ghetto racoon and the answer to all their problems: PyHPerlacle.

It’s the next big thing after Ruby on Rails. I swear.